Monday, August 2, 2010

Dark Room w/o a Flashlight

You find yourself wondering where you are, where you are going and what you should be doing.  You don't know how your got here or how to get out.  You are completely unable to find your bearing and your sense of direction.  You are over come with a overbearing sense of negativity and foreboding.  How did you go from being opportunistic and optimistic to this?

These are questions that I am asking of myself.  I don't like being this way, having a lot of questions with few to no answers.  I guess the situation wouldn't be do bad if I had a path (plan) on how to correct the issues at hand.  I'm a person who like to plan everything out, my wife would say this is one of if not my biggest flaws; and since I haven't yet figured out how to "plan my way out" of this I'm upset and frustrated.  I generally don't deal with frustration well and then on top of all that I'm a worrier.  I worry about things I can and can not control nor do anything about.  Why do I do this?  Why do I do this to myself?  I do not know why.

I feel like I should be doing more with my life.  Professionally I feel that I should be further along than I am and I feel like I'm being held back by something, what it is I don't know.  Oh well, I gotta relax and let things go and let them work themselves out completely until there is something I can do about it.

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